What do milestones really mean?

THE PERILS OF CHECKING MILESTONES
We look for new skills in our babies to see if they are developing well. We check the lists of “milestones” and match our baby’s skills to it. There are some things we need to keep in mind.  Obviously, I believe in the sequence of development. Obviously, I am contributing to the “milestone mania” by printing the lists of milestones on the pages above but I want to caution you to use them carefully.
MILESTONES ARE AVERAGES
A first and important issue is that milestone lists are based on average. This means that half of babies will meet the milestone before and half will meet the milestone a little later. Milestone lists can either be at the time after most children will achieve the skill or most common time. No baby is common so it will be a rare baby who hits all the milestones when they are listed. My favorite developmental screening tool (photo and more on testing later) actually lists the skills on a bar that crosses several age zones and starts when 1% of infants show a skill, has marks for when 25% and 50% demonstrate the skill and finishes when 90% of infants demonstrate the skill. If your child is anywhere on the bar when the skill begins it is within normal limits.

An example of The Denver Developmental Screening Test.

DEVELOPMENT IS NOT SMOOTH
A second factor is that development is not a smooth, even process. It occurs in fits and starts. Some babies will be at the same level for a period of time and then will jump in all areas. Others will make huge steps in one area of development while others rest. Most mothers notice and mention that there is a slowdown in speech when babies start walking. What this means is if you check your baby just before a development spurt he may seem behind but a week or two later just after a spurt, he may seem ahead.

DEVELOPMENT IS NOT EVEN PERFECTLY SEQUENTIAL
You have heard the old expression, “you can’t walk, until you crawl.” Well, technically that is not true. Roughly 12% of typically developing babies never crawl and go on to learn to walk at a typical age. They do tend to find a way to move forward, most by hitching while sitting, but not on their hands and knees. We go back and get these children to crawl after they have walked to get the benefit of crawling for their hands and arms and senses but it shows that crawling is not absolutely essential to motor development. The same applies in all areas of development. Your baby may skip a step or two here and there before achieving a higher skill and may go back later or may never pass some stages.
CULTURAL AND ENVIRONMENTAL ISSUES
Many of the items used to test milestones are based on cultural practices. For example, self feeding is often used as a measure of social development or of fine motor development. In some cultures, babies are not allowed to feed themselves at an early age and would have no experience with this.   Even children from other cultures, who have not been allowed to feed themselves perhaps because it is messy, would not be demonstrating this skill. Children may start to scribble on paper by about 15 months, but an infant who has never seen crayons or watched her mother or siblings color, is just as likely to put the crayon in her mouth as to mark paper without a demonstration. Some degree of experience is assumed in setting milestones as the majority of infants will have had it but not all.

PREMATURE BABIES AND MILESTONES
In order to understand this, we must remember that development starts at conception. A baby born at 40 weeks has been developing for 40 weeks but one born at 25 weeks has only had 25 weeks of development and still needs the extra 15. This means that, if your baby was more than 3 weeks early, you need to count that time for intrauterine development. When checking milestones, you need to use the due date and not the actual birthdate.  Most professionals will do this until your baby is 2 years old. It isn’t that he has suddenly gained that extra couple of weeks at 2. It is just that, by 2, there is so much variation in normal development that we no longer measure in months but in 3 to 6 month increments. I worked with children up to 3 years of age and I kept in mind any prematurity until then, when testing.
INFANT TESTING
Most infant testing is looking at development based on milestones. They tend to look at 5 areas of development, Gross motor, Fine motor (hand skills), Cognitive, Language and Social development.  The results of testing are impacted by all of the above.  More importantly, most infant testing has very poor predictive validity. This means that infant test tell you what your baby is like today. This is useful for doctors and people working with children and you for choosing suitable activities for your child but it is not useful to say anything about your baby’s future develoment. One reason for this is that infant brains are still forming and can change with the proper stimulation. There are several types of testing and most milestone charts fall into the category of screenings. These tests may suggest that there may be a delay but a more complete test would be needed to confirm that. Further testing is much more involved and needs to be done by a specialist. Some delays are due to environmental issues. Babies cannot learn to crawl if they are not on the ground, for example. These can usually be corrected with changes to the environment. Others have their roots in physical causes and may be life-long but all infants can make some progress with early intervention.

WHEN SHOULD YOU BE WORRIED
According to the Denver Development Screening Test, you should not be worried until you baby has not demonstrated 3 or more of the skill bars that are fully completed below her age range or, for premature babies, adjusted age.  This means that your baby may not show one or two of the skills at age level on a milestones list but that should not cause concern. If your baby is not demonstrating most skills that are 2 months behind his age in any area, you may want to consult your doctor. In any case, never be afraid to bring up your concerns to your pediatrician. You live with the baby. The pediatrician only sees the baby for a few minutes every few months, and usually the baby is distressed simply by being handled by the doctor. They can tell a lot from the weight and height and medical measurements but need your input on daily development issues under normal circumstances. Bringing up your concerns will, at the very least, give you some relief as the pediatrician can reassure you or refer you for help, whichever is needed.

Teeth part 2- Teething

Teething

Sometime between birth and 3, your child will cut about 20 teeth. Exactly when and in which order varies from child to child. On average, the first tooth appears at around 6 months. I have known children who were born with teeth and others who did not get one tooth until they were a year old. Some children get two at a time, first the bottom front then a week later, the upper front and so on (as is the suggested schedule). Others get one tooth then nothing for a month or more and some babies will get one tooth after another for a period of time. Any milestones for teething have to be very general.

Teeth that are present at birth (called “natal teeth”) are generally extra teeth and the doctor may recommend that they be removed.  If not, they should be taken care of and cleaned.

Symptoms

During teething, babies may not feel good. Some may run a fever and some may lose their appetite. Diarrhea is not uncommon during teething. You might see increased drooling, swollen gums and even a rash around the cheek area. Your baby may seem irritable and may be restless. You might even see the baby pulling on an ear.  One problem is that these are all also signs of other illnesses. It is easy to blame everything on teething but it may not be. I was guilty of this. My daughter had cut two teeth when she exhibited a fever and was cranky. I said “teething” but three days later she broke out with a rash so I took her to the doctor. She had Roseola, a childhood illness like measles, which was contagious. She did not get any more teeth for another month.

What to do

It is called “cutting teeth” because the teeth are literally cutting through the gums. This is often not a pleasant experience for baby and therefore not a pleasant experience for anyone who lives with him. There are some things that may help. Chewing on soft things, cold and massaging the gums may help. Cold, clean (but not frozen) teething rings may help. Allowing the baby to suck on a cold wet cloth may help for a while. Massaging the gum with your finger may help but be careful because those teeth are sharp when they start to poke through.  Remember that tooth decay is caused by bacteria so be sure everything that goes in the mouth (and that may be everything that goes into baby’s hand) should be clean.

What not to do

Teething biscuits are NOT recommended because they stick to the teeth and promote tooth decay. Frozen teethers could damage your baby’s gums so cold is good, frozen is not. There are a number of numbing gels and creams that provide some relief but care should be taken when using these and you should consult your pediatrician regarding the latest guidelines on their use.  There are some concerns about one of the main ingredients in these gels (benzocaine) so be careful about using these. 

Note that this post follows the post on care of the teeth. That is because care of the teeth should begin before the teeth start coming in. Below is a rough timeline of teething courtesy of Health Link BC.

SHOULD WE OR SHOULDN’T WE?

Pacifiers, dummies, pacis, binkies, papillas, plugs, lifesavers

What is the thinking?

Although there is a long history of using pacifiers with babies, one that stretches back to ancient times, there has been some controversy over whether it is good for babies in the long run. The reports are conflicting and everyone connected with baby-rearing has an opinion and so, probably, do you. What is the latest information on using a substitute nipple for baby to suck on?

First of all, anyone can see that babies need to suck. Put anything near a baby’s mouth and he will suck on it. Research indicates that babies suck while eating (nutritive sucking) but also like sucking when they are not hungry. This is thought to be a self-regulating mechanism and theorists, including Piaget and Greenspan, agree that learning to self regulate is one of the first social and mental tasks facing a newborn. Non-nutritive sucking may be related to the fact that in the first months of life, the mouth area is also the most sensitive sensory organ (makes sense because eating is one of a newborn’s most important tasks) so babies explore through mouthing things, which that could trigger sucking responses.

Whatever the reason, sucking is something an infant needs to do so where is the controversy?

BREASTFEEDING AND PACIFIERS

Feeding is the most important thing the baby needs to do, even before self regulating. The more the baby sucks on the breast, the more milk mother will make. This is especially important during the first months when the prolactin receptors are developing in the glands of the breast. It is important to put the baby to breast when there are indications of hunger, which includes sucking to insure that milk production will be adequate. In addition, breast nipples are not as pliable as bottle or pacifier nipples, which may cause some confusion as to how to suck for a very young baby. These two factors are why it is recommended that breastfeeding mothers do not give their babies bottles or pacifiers for the first month. Throughout breastfeeding, milk production is tied to the amount of feeding the baby does. If the baby empties the breast and continues sucking, more milk will be produced in the next feedings but if milk is left in the breast, production will be decreased.  This means that a pacifier can be used but should not be used to delay feedings or to decrease the time baby spends at the breast.

BACTERIA AND BREAKAGE

Pacifiers are rubber nipples and therefore will pick up and hold bacteria, just as any other toy. If baby is using the same pacifier everyday and it is not cleaned, it will carry bacteria that could be harmful for your baby. This is true. Also, if baby is mobile, she might drop her pacifier on the floor or poke it into the potted plant or even rub it up against the dog. Pacifiers need to be cleaned and not by sticking it in your own mouth. Research has shown that the most common way children get tooth decay is from their mothers putting baby’s spoons and pacifiers in her own mouth and then in your baby’s mouth.  Another concern about pacifiers is that they do wear out and that small particles can break off which will be swallowed by baby.  The point is that if you use a pacifier, you need to clean it more than once a day and to check it frequently and replace it often.

TEETH

For years, dentists have been warning that using pacifiers can cause dental problems.  This depends on how often the baby uses the pacifier, how strongly he sucks and how old he is before he quits. Prolonged use of pacifiers may cause dental problems, asymmetrical growth of the mouth and face and buck teeth.  Thumb sucking will cause the same problems and thumb sucking is a much more difficult habit to break.  Dentists recommend that if you use a pacifier, you do not offer it constantly and that you wean your child from it by about 15 months of age. The weaning process can be a little stressful for you and for baby but it will be more stressful the longer pacifier use continues.

EAR INFECTIONS

Sucking while congested can create a harmful pressure between the nose and the ear. Studies show that babies who use a pacifier are more likely to have ear infections than babies who do not.  Babies who only use pacifiers at bed time, however, are less likely to have ear infections than babies who use pacifiers all day. As with teeth and breast feeding, limiting use of pacifiers seems to be helpful to decrease the problem of ear infections.  The studies I have seen did not look at thumb-sucking.

DEPENDENCE

Because sucking is such a calming feeling, many babies become dependent on their pacifiers and it is difficult to take it away.  Keep in mind that it is much easier to wean a baby from a pacifier than from the thumb.  It is also easier to wean a younger infant than a toddler.  Some babies have more trouble sleeping who use a pacifier because they become upset when the pacifier falls out.

So with the above concerns, what are the reasons for using a pacifier?

SELF REGULATION

Self regulation is a very important skill which is a basis for most mental growth and social development. Sucking is one of the best techniques for a baby to use to regulate their emotions. Sucking on a pacifier has a calming influence. Babies who are calm can be more alert for learning.

KEEPING BABY QUIET

Using pacifiers can help keep your baby calm and quiet in difficult situations, such as when you are in line at the supermarket and need just 10 minutes to get through. You and your baby should be out and about in society but there are times when you cannot get baby out of the public and she is not happy. There is nothing wrong with calming her with a pacifier until you can get her to a quiet place. The others around you will thank you.

SIDS

Although the exact causes of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome are not known.  Aside from the use of a safe sleep environment (see previous posting), research indicates that babies who use pacifiers to go to sleep are at significantly less risk of SIDS.  The American Academy of Pediatrics has studied this phenomenon and has supported this finding.

THUMBSUCKING

Most babies will suck on something and will use their fingers or thumbs if they are not given something else to suck on. It is easier to wean a baby from a pacifier than from the thumb. You can pick up all the pacifiers in the house and put them in a bag and tell your child that you are taking them to the doctor’s to give to the new babies. You cannot do that with a thumb.

So should you or shouldn’t you?

Whether to give your baby a pacifier or not is up to the two of you. Some babies do not want a pacifier.  Some babies really do. There seem to be as many good reasons to use on as to avoid using one. If you decide to use a pacifier there are some guidelines you should follow which include:

1.       Wait until at least 1 month old before offering a pacifier to establish feeding, especially if breastfeeding.

2.       Be overzealous about cleaning the pacifier.

3.       Frequently check for wear and replace often.

4.       Don’t let the baby share the pacifier with anyone and don’t put it in your mouth and then baby’s.

5.       Be sure to use safe pacifiers. Do not use bottle nipples because baby will be sucking in air. Be sure the pacifier has a wide base so it cannot be sucked in.

6.       Try not to depend on the pacifier for your own convenience, though there are some times when you will need to but it should not be all the time.

7.       Never force a pacifier on a baby and never dip it into something sweet to encourage use.

8.       Never tie the pacifier to the baby.  The cord could wrap around his neck and strangle him.

9.       Try to avoid pacifier use if baby has a cold or sniffles.

10.   Let baby use pacifier to sleep but if it falls out do not place it in babies mouth while sleeping.

11.   Wean baby from the pacifier as soon as possible. Most babies can self regulate with a number of techniques by 8-10 months and most babies have many interests by that time so weaning could occur about that time but try to wean by about 15-18 months at the latest.

Feeding your baby

Anybody who knows me, knows that I am NOT a cook. Nutrician and feeding are not my areas of expertise at all and so I would like to recommend this website, Homade Baby Food Recipes (link at end of post). It is very comprehensive and includes recipes to make your own baby food. This is not as hard as it sounds, even for working mothers. As I said, I don't cook if I can help it and I worked outside the home when my children were infants and I was able to make most of their baby food. I had a small hand grinder and just popped in some boiled veggies or fruit and ground it up. It did not take long. The site has sections of food for different ages, suggestions regarding baby equipment, Hints and ideas about when and how to introduce self feeding and recipes for baby friendly food.
What I can say is that the current recommendation is to wait until the baby is 6 months old before offering food other than breastmilk of formula. Remember that milk or formula is the primary food that most babies need until they are 12 months old so starting at 6 months is a chance to practice eating and not as essential as you would think. Babies are not physically ready to eat solids much before 6 months (their digestive systems are not able to process many foods before that) but each baby is unique and you need to read about the cues that your baby will offer to tell you he is ready to eat solids.
Baby food should be simple so the recipes are not difficult to put together. You can also freeze baby food in ice cube trays and warm it for use during the week so you can make a larger batch at one time. Parent tips are welcome on this website so there are real life comments from people with the experience. There is a special section for mother's of premature babies. There is also an interesting section on Baby Led Weaning, which is where the baby is never fed but is offered food and allowed to feed themselves. As I said this is not my area of expertise so I will let you read about all of these things in the website at the link below. But I know, if I could do it, anyone can.
http://www.homemade-baby-food-recipes.com/#ixzz1m8PYxF3m

For all of you breastfeeding mothers

baby games

             Baby Games

We all remember games such as “Peek-a-boo” and Pat-a-cake”.  We may have played them as children. We may have played them with young children when we were adults. Both the child and the adult laugh when these games are played. Both seem to enjoy playing them. These types of games exist in all cultures. There may be some variations. Some cultures are more physical and others focus more on the social aspects of games. Of course, the names and words change but the basic game is the same. 

There is a reason that these games pass from generation to generation and exist in different cultures. Baby games provide concepts babies need to learn in exactly the right format for learning. They are fun and non-threatening when played with familiar adults. Some of the activities, such as tickling in “This Little Piggie” and the surprise in “Peek-a-boo” might be thought to trigger fear but when performed by a familiar adult in a playful way, they produce laughter instead. It is thought that these games help babies learn appropriate emotional control in this way.

In addition, these games involve turn-taking or, at least, reciprical interactions. The parent usually initiates the game but there is a chance for baby to take the lead. “Roll the ball back and forth” is an example of this. There is some turn-taking in “Peek –a-boo and “Pat-a-cake” as well. This helps the baby learn about social sharing and about reciprical communication.

The cycle of social interaction is very important. At first the adult does everything, including drawing baby’s attention into the game. Soon the adult and baby share the action but the adult continues to give a lot of cues to the expected interaction. As the baby develops, the cues and actions of the adult decrease and soon, the adult becomes the recipient of the baby’s actions in the game. 

These games are repetitious. The words and actions are repeated within the game and the games are usually repeated, often at baby’s request. This gives the opportunity to learn and consolidate the concepts for baby.

They are often short, which is enough time to keep baby’s attention and not be boring to him. They are also often rhythmic. This aides in enjoyment and in remembering. They often have a surprise ending, which the child learns to anticipate. Anticipating what will come next is a useful skill for life.

According to Dr. Stanley Greenspan’s theory of social development (DIR theory) these social skills are very important to a child’s development. He must first learn to regulate himself so that he can be in a state to learn. She must learn to share attention, which means that she shows interest in things and people outside of herself. He must learn to be engaged and to engage others in a common activity. She needs to learn to relate to others before she can develop purposeful communication skills. These social skills can all be developed during the play of baby games. Do not underestimate them. They offer an entertaining way of developing very important social and communication skills. Use them. Play them. Expand on them as your baby grows. And have fun with them.

TUMMY TIME

Since the “back to sleep’ movement was introduced babies have been spending more time on their backs. Think about the day, sleeping on back, moving to car seat, on back, then to bouncer chair, back against chair, then in the carrier, again on back. This means that baby is spending much of the day and night on the back. One consequence of this has been an increase in positional plagiocephaly which is a fancy word for a flat or misshapen head. This condition does not affect brain function and can be corrected by using a specially designed helmet during the first year of life but prevention is the best option. Prevention involves being sure that baby experiences various different positions during the day. First, instead of using the bouncer chair or the carrier, you can use a wearable baby carrier to move around with your baby. Secondly, tummy time needs to be included in your routines. Tummy time is important for baby’s physical development as well. Tummy time helps baby strengthen back muscles and control head and neck muscles needed for later crawling, sitting and walking. Tummy time is just what it says, spending time on the tummy. This time should be while baby is awake (see above regarding “back to ‘sleep”) and alert. It should be at least 30 minutes a day but the more the better.

Here are activities to encourage tummy time.

Activity  1. In the very first month, you can start tummy time by placing the baby on the tummy over your lap or on your chest as you lie back (comfortably on the couch with your head on the pillows so your back is at about a 45 degree angle). This should be for a few seconds or minutes depending on the baby. Some babies can hold their head up right away, others do not.  That is all normal but do not give up if your baby does not seem to enjoy it. Repeat the activity throughout the day for a short time each time.  Increase the time as baby gets stronger. Even when baby is bigger, they enjoy lying on your chest as you lay back because they have the contact with you. Talk to and look at your baby and he/she will try to hold his/her head up to look at your face.

Activity 2. As baby grows, place him/her on a clean surface such as a play mat or a blanket. A small blanket roll can be placed at about the baby’s nipple level to help keep the head up. The arms need to be over the roll towards the head.  You need to stay down on the floor too. When baby gets tired can no longer hold the head up, it is time to pick him/her up.

Activity 3.  Place baby on a blanket or mat on the floor on the tummy and lie down on your tummy so you are face to face with baby. Talk or sing to baby. There is nothing baby wants to look at more than your face. This is a good activity to do with older children. Have the child lie across from baby on their own tummy. Ask the child to sing a song or tell a short story to baby or just call him/her by name.

Activity 4. Again on the mat or blanket, place a standing mirror in front of baby and lie beside him/her on the mat. Point to baby in the mirror.

Activity 5.  Place baby on tummy on mat clean blanket on floor.  Gently roll baby toward side and then back to tummy. This activity should be started when baby can hold his own head up for a few minutes. It helps to sing a little song with this activity.

                       http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mobileweb/glennon-melton/dont-carpe-diem_b_1206346.html                                                                                                                        

        Here is an article by a mother of young children. She is pointing out that it is not easy to raise young children and that she gets irritated by older women who come up and say “Enjoy them now. It goes by so fast”. She wonders if they remember what it was like raising children. I need to be the first to apologize for this. I do that all the time. It is a little like labor. It hurts but you don’t think about the pain when it is over and you are holding the baby in your arms (and true I have never heard of a labor nurse telling someone to enjoy it because it will be over soon). It is not a case of bad memory. I remember standing in line in the supermarket with a screaming baby , gum in the hair, bed time struggles and days when nothing went right and all that. It is more a matter of perspective. Now that my children are grown, I only think of the good memories. There is no point in dwelling on the hard stuff and it all turned out all right in the end. Raising young children is hard and raising teenagers even harder (though this author has not gone there yet) but it is also rewarding. You can only to do the best you can and not take it personally when your child is not behaving like you planned they would behave. They seem to start out with minds of their own… and that is a good thing.  One should not want Stepford  Children. When your children are grown, maybe with children of their own, you fondly remember the time when they were small and it seems like it passed in no time. Well it did. It was only 2 decades of your life (out of the 5 or 6 that you have lived (she specifically mentions older women).  Yes, they are still your children, but they no longer fight to cuddle with you or look to find you first in a crowd.  They don’t beg you to play with them or push them on the swing. They no longer live in your house and you may not even see them every day. You miss the opportunity to play with them and wonder where the time went. You wonder why you did not spend more time with them when they were younger (no matter how much time you did spend with them.)  So forgive us for trying to remind you to find the joy now, yes even at the supermarket when one is running off and the other is taking all the gum out of the rack in front of the cash register and you are already late for an appointment. We remember how hard it was but we are happy that we had that little time with them and want you to know that you will be too.  You are right. Maybe we should be more sympathetic. I will try in the future. What should I say?  “I know it is hard now, but just think, in 10 years, you will wish you were back here.”???

Safe Sleep

I want to start with a discussion about sleep. Sleep is so important to all of us as most parents of newborns realize very quickly. Each person has a unique rhythm regarding sleep and this is true for newborns. Some sleep a lot, others not so much. Some sleep through the night after 2 or 3 weeks, others wake up at night until they are 3 years old. Most infants will sleep through the hustle and bustle of the house and this is good.

Today we will stay focused on SAFE SLEEP. If you were born in the 1980’s, your mother was told to put you on your tummy to sleep so that if you spit up in your sleep, you would not swallow it.  However, in the early 1990’s, research showed that there was a significant decrease in the number of cases of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) in societies where babies were placed on their backs to sleep. SIDS is a term for the sudden death of an infant under the age of 1, usually during sleep, often with no discernable cause. In 1994, the National Institute of Health in the United States, Along with the American Academy of Pediatrics began its “Back to Sleep” campaign, which included educating families on safe sleep practices and doing research into the further causes of SIDS.  Current statistics indicate that there has been a 50% decrease in the number of SIDS incidents since the program began. Sleeping on the back is one factor, but it appears to be a significant one, in SIDS prevention.

The recommended SAFE SLEEP environment for an infant is to sleep in a safe crib, on a firm tight fitting mattress, covered with a cotton tight fitting sheet. No stuffed animals of dangling toys or blind cords should be in the bed area. The baby should be dressed in a warm pajama or sleeper and should not need blankets or pillows or head positioners in the bed. Newborns often prefer to sleep Swaddled tightly in a blanket, which is ok as long as the baby is young enough that it cannot wiggle out of the blanket. It is also recommended that the environment not be too warm, therefore blankets are not needed during sleep.  

This brings me to the issue of CO-SLEEPING, or having baby sleep in the same bed with the parentsand or older siblings. This is an issue with two sides. Some families feel that sleeping in the same bed offers a strong connection to the baby. For me, personally, it was NOT an option. As I said first, Sleep is so important to everyone and I was not able to sleep well with a tiny baby in the same bed. I slept with one eye open, so to speak, to be sure the baby was ok. A better option for me was to have the baby bassinet next to the bed, which was close to me but not in the bed.  One time when Co-Sleeping should never occur (no matter what your personal belief is) is when any adult in the bed is in an altered state after drinking alcohol or taking drugs, including any medicine which suggest that you avoid driving. One sleeps more heavily in this condition and can roll onto an infant ant smother him/her without realizing it. It has happened. Over half of infant suffication deaths are due to co-sleeping. It is a risk you do not have to take.

A safe sleeping environment is easy to provide and has so many benefits that it is well worth the effort.

For more information, check the National Health Institute's back to sleep campaign http://www.nichd.nih.gov/sids/

What I am trying

So, I am getting the hang of this blogging. I have decided to put milestones and activities on pages based on the age of the baby. The page for the newborn is already up and I am working on what you can see and do with a one month old. I am going to post new information and comments on articles and some articles of my own in the blog part. Things related to the care of your baby.I am working getting the links right so I apologize if the links do not send you where we are trying to go.

I also need to note here about the use of pronouns. Our pronouns in English are the only things that note gender, thankfully, but that presents the problem of using he or she or it or they or some combination like his/her when speaking generally. I have decided to just use the pronouns randomly for different paragraphs. Of course, if I am relating a story about a specific baby, the pronoun will be correct, otherwise, you can adjust the "he" or "she" to be appropriate for your own baby and I will not use "it".

THE FIRST MEETING, LABOR ROOM AND THEN HOME!

Ok, You have just gone through labor and delivery, always an interesting experience, and now you are handed your new baby. He probably does not look like you imagined because and he probably does not act like you expected. He is himself. Then, you go home with the baby. Now, what? One thing that surprised me was that I did not feel instantly “in love” with my little bundles of joy. I was tired and nervous and dealing with a stranger, who did look a little like me. I thought maybe something was wrong with me. Talking to other recent mothers taught me that it is not uncommon to feel  that way. It often takes a while to get to know this new little person, not to mention that you need to adjust to your new role, which can be scary. In truth, it was not long before I could not remember ever not loving this baby more than anything else in the world, but it was a process to get there. I was more comfortable with my younger child because I did not have the fear that something was wrong with me added to all the other stresses (not to mention odd sleeping hours), but still it was a process. I wish someone had told me this was normal before I had my baby. The problem is that you forget this feeling soon afterwards (like labor pains,) and forget to tell other mothers that it is ok.  Fathers probably go through a similar experience but are even less likely to talk about it.

Your baby responds to you from the first and interacting with the baby is the best way to learn what she is like. Studies have been done that show that a newborn may recognize her parent’s voices, possibly even before birth. Researchers measured babies’ responses to their mother’s voice and to the voice of another  woman reading the same thing by measuring their heart rate. There was a difference in response indicating that the baby recognized the mother’s voice.   Another study showed that a baby recognizes her mother’s smell. When presented with a pad with breast milk from her mother and one from another woman the baby reacts more strongly to her mother’s. Your baby knows you and wants to interact with you and that is the best thing you can do in the first week. Look at her face as you feed her and as you talk to her, talk to her in a gentle voice about anything you want to, hold her in your arms, carry her as you walk around the house and soon you will know this little person better than anyone else.

References:

Mizuno, K. and others, 2004, Mother-Infant contact after delivery resulting in early recognition of own mother’s milk. Acta Paediatrics 93 (12): 1640-45