WHAT MOTHERS DO-Especially when it looks like nothing
By: Naomi Stadlen
Piatkus Books, London, 2004
I first picked up the book, What Mothers Do, because I was
intrigued by the title. I remembered a time when I was a stay at home mother to
a preschooler and an infant and I attended a party of my husband’s colleagues.
Someone came up to me and asked where I worked. I answered “Right now, I work
at home and I have never worked harder in my life.” It was true but I could not
point to any specific accomplishments. I was mothering and my work was still in
progress. The enquirer walked away to talk to someone else and I felt that my
work was not valued at this gathering.
This is the type of feeling that Naomi Stadlen is addressing
in this book. She has worked with mother’s support groups and has based this
book around the comments of the many mothers she has worked with over the
years. Her basic point is that while mothering is a complex and, perhaps, the
most important job one can do, it does not have the status that other careers
get. There is no pay scale and no immediately visible “product”. This makes it
easy to wonder what exactly you have been doing. All mothers have a point where they wonder
but it is worse when father or others also question what happens to your time.
The book defines the complex intricacies of holding your
baby and helping him or her to grow up to be a happy productive adult from the
day he or she is born. The author has a long chapter discussing what “Mother
Love” involves. She also touches on the reactions of mothers to significant
others in their lives during this time, including baby fathers, mother’s
mothers and in-laws. This book is written from the mother’s perspective so does
not cover what these others are thinking.
The author does not comment on mothering choices, such as
breast or bottle or stay at home or go to work, as that is not the point of the book. As she
rightly points out, those choices are between you, your baby and your partner
in this venture. Whatever choices you make, the concern that you are doing the
best you can is always there.
I know that as a parent of a newborn or young child the last
thing you think you have time for is to read a book, but if these concerns are
bothering you, this book may give you some peace of mind. Each chapter can be
read separately and out of order if that works for you. There isn’t a lot of
advice in the book but there is a lot of support to help you regain your or
confidence after the major life change that becoming a mother brings.
